No If, No But...Only Paaji and slut!!

Please also note that while Shilpi is wearing a tank top that says "Perfect Police Officer" and a belly button ring (regulation clothing for all female FBI agents) our own Sunny has taken the trouble to actually..(yes actually!) grow a paunch to get into the character of a Police Officer! Now thats what I call method acting!

So, while my house is in the process of getting a face-lift, I’m out gallivanting the night away in a relatively unsuccessful effort to erase the smell of paint from my ravaged nostrils. Last night saw me wandering aimlessly at Saket after two grueling hours of packing up all the contents of my kitchen and bathroom into cardboard boxes. The booksellers were all packed for the day and the only options were to stick more food into my gob or watch a movie. The movie won (more power to my diet!) and as fate had it the only show that wasn’t sold out was of course “Jo Bole So Nihaal” (..was in absolutely no mood for melodrama. Orlando Bloom will just have to wait!) and I cannot start to tell you, dear blogees, how vastly, staggeringly & jaw-droppingly stupid it was. There are, simply put, no words to describe it. Holes in the plot, I can handle, but this was just one big hole. No plot. Period. I will, however, make an attempt to put it in words.

The movie starts with our villainous Romeo (Kamaal Khan) blowing up a building somewhere in Phoren and then landing up in a church to confess his crimes, after which he promptly murders the padre. That is his pattern. (..there’s actually a scene, very inspired by davinci code, where our villain can’t get to a church and so resorts to the vamp, (slutty slutty Nepali chick) in a horrendous Rocky S creation whipping him as atonement.)

Cut to Sunny Deol (in his element) playing Nihaal Singh, the dim-witted but street-wise Jaht cop who, frankly has trouble distinguishing his arse from his elbow. The two have an encounter in which Romeo escapes (can’t not be catching villain in first ten minutes is saying director!) leaving Nihaal to bear the shame and disrepute.

Nihaal then has to chase Romeo to the streets of New York, where with the help of a negligent New York FBI agent (she’s forgotten to wear any clothes, you see) and a bunch of g-grade would be porn stars posing as FBI agents he finally gets his man! Applause all around and the audience then sing…”jo bole so Nihaal”…while racing towards the exits and to the nearest watering hole to erase all traces of having seen this monstrosity.

Total BPL (Brain pe Laath)

Sunny has no doubt outdone himself playing dumb..(plleeeease tell me he’s acting..pleeeease!) and Kamaal Khan walks around like he’s got grapefruit or mini pineapples stuck in his armpits and a huge bamboo up his arse. The women are totally non-existent though the film does have a little bright spot in the form of the Jaht’s mother(..as in the fine tradition of all Hindi movies, this one goes a step further in the whole MotherSonIntenseBonding phenomenon with the old lady doing a little impromptu jig in the Pind every time her son gets a hard on in Amrika!).

But this is as funny as it gets. Then when you add the substantial fall in the humour level in the second half (the comic relief is this Punjabi couple who lisp obscenities to each other, (FuckFessFul) taking the amusement to pond scum status) you have one of the most irritatingly and stupendously idiotic movies in recent times.

So what can I say except leave your brain at home, grab your worst enemy and go watch this movie.

..I mean if I survived..