Hello...Goodbye!

It’s been two days now sans electricity…and the sweltering Delhi heat just refuses to let up. I’m trapped in a second floor office with no air conditioning, no fan, no cold water and absolutely no recourse! Death by sauna! (..though the thought of losing some weight by sweating it out does briefly bring some flutters (albeit brief!) of joy..) Which brings me back to my upcoming vacating! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I’m going to Bombay! So excited! Nish and I are counting down the hours….As of this posting I’m going to be back in my fair city in exactly 29 hours and 46 minutes! The weather’s amazing there. It’s raining cats and dogs and the very thought of those cool sea breezes is sending shivers down my spine..

Also, I’m planning to re-visit Café Morrisson tonight with a couple of buddies. Will in all probability do my next post from Mumbai!

Bye bye people!..(or conversantly Hello…depending on which city you’re at!)

Cheers!

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…ok ok so its that time of the month where I pack my lil knapsack and head out to Good Ol Mumbai for more InaneChatter and my ongoing quest for the veritable GoodTimes. We’ve got quite a schedule planned, Fabulous Nish-pish and I. Also Gayatri gets engaged on the 23rd of this month. Here’s wishing her an absolutely blissful married life and lots of ittle-bittle babies and all good other things as well!

More when it happens…

...can we be friends?

Saw the "When Harry met Sally" a few days ago. There’s some bits of dialogue that kinda got me thinking…

Harry: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry: No you don't.
Sally: Yes I do.
Harry: No you don't.
Sally: Yes I do.
Harry: You only think you do.
Sally: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally: They do not!
Harry: Do too.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry: I guess not.
Sally: That's too bad.

Really now! How Victorian! But its out there…the eternal question…Can men and women really be “just” friends? Or, more realistically: Do we have reasons to believe that a platonic friendship between men and women is more difficult to support, than friendly relations with the same gender? (This does not apply to you if you happen to be gay!!!!!) What is it about sex…or even the possibility of sex that can ruin an otherwise beautiful friendship?

I for one, think opposite sex platonic friendships are very healthy. It’s the varying viewpoints, the flirtations, the openness…it’s all of that. But more so than anything else, it’s the freedom to be yourself with a member of the opposite sex without the constant need to prove oneself as the best choice. However, I personally have always found my mixed gender friendships easier to sustain when I’m in-between relationships. When I’m involved with someone jealousy always rears its ugly head, so to speak.

Well I agree that it can be difficult to differentiate platonic from romantic love because there are many similar feelings in both kinds of relationships and also because we don't have a lot of good role models for friendships between men and women. Unfortunately, the media has reinforced the idea that men and women cannot be just friends.

In the friendships portrayed in film and on TV, sex always comes between them. A classic example of this is the film When Harry Met Sally. Other examples are Sam and Diane in Cheers, and more recently Monica and Chandler in Friends. The closest we’ve come to seeing a long lasting friendship that doesn’t become romantic is probably “Will & Grace”. And he’s gay…so it doesn’t really count, does it?

While romantic feelings can grow out of a loving and caring friendship and friendship can provide a great foundation for a romantic relationship, romance is not an inevitable consequence of friendship between men and women in real life.

We’ve been brought up to believe that men think about sex 24/7 (I agree wholeheartedly. That's just the way their brains are wired!), and they wouldn't mind if a platonic friendship went to the next level. But women believe truly and sincerely that they can be friends with men without sex even entering their minds.

Most women I know underestimate how often men are attracted to them (this applies to male friends, not just a guy you pass on the street). Women are more likely to be friends with an attractive male with no sexual tension, as opposed to a man who wouldn't mind if he slept with his female friend even if she's not really his type.

I think the problem is that most women view sex as the “Grand Finalle”, the ultimate test of compatibility, whereas men tend to be far less mile-stonish about it. Most of my male friends have had (by their own admission..) way more sexual partners then their female counterparts. One of my friends claims to have slept with a staggering 127 different women. Were any of them by any definition his “friend”? Or just mere notches on his bedpost? And it seems to me that if you scheme and plot to get a woman into bed, it’s more likely that you’ll lose respect for her once she falls for your tomfoolery!

A healthy mutual respect is the most basic platform for any other type of relationship, be it friendship, work or even just sex. Here’s another bit of dialogue from the movie…

Harry: Would you like to have dinner?
Harry: Just friends.
Sally: I thought you didn't believe men and women could be friends.
Harry: When did I say that?
Sally: On the ride to New York.
Harry: No no no no, I never said that. (Harry pauses, thinks.) Yes, that's
right, they can't be friends. Unless both of them are involved with other
people then they can. This is an amendment to the earlier rule, if the two
people are in relationships, the pressure of possibility of involvement is
lifted. (Pauses) That doesn't work either because what happens then is the
person you're involved with can't understand why you need to be friends with
the person you're just friends with. Like it means something is missing from
their relationship and "why do you have to go outside to get it?". Then
when you say, "no no no no, it's not true nothing's missing from the
relationship", the person you're involved with then accuses you of being
secretly attracted to the person you're just friends with, which we probably
are, I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let's face it,
which brings us back to the earlier rule before the amendment which is men and women can't be friends, so where does that leave us?
Sally: Harry.
Harry: What?
Sally: Goodbye.

But does sex ruin a friendship? It has the potential all right! Especially if only one of you wants to take it further. In many friendships between men and women, sexual attraction is not an issue, they are not attracted to each other, are romantically involved with someone else or are not heterosexual. If an attraction does develop during the course of a friendship, there are ways to manage the sexual tension. It is probably most helpful to discuss it openly. This should work to diffuse the tension and increase the likelihood that a friendship will survive. Just because you are attracted to someone doesn't mean you have to act on it. You can make choices about your actions and make decisions about what the boundaries will be. Sometimes opposite sex friends decide not to become romantically involved because they do not want to risk losing the friendship if/when the romance is over.

And what of that friendship after romance? When a dating relationship ends, sometimes the former partners try to salvage a friendship. While this is possible for some people depending on how the relationship ended and on the maturity level of the two people involved this is not an easy transition. If it is a mutual parting or if the hurt partner has really let go and healed from the loss (which takes some time), the friendship may be more successful. If there was betrayal or mistreatment and you are agreeing to friendship, you really need to examine your motives. Why would you trust someone as a friend who betrayed you as a partner in a romance? If you don't want to remain friends or aren't ready to, it is important to say so. Often friendship after a breakup is a way to hold on to the relationship or put off the inevitable ending.

Does any of this mean that I would not want my male friends to think of me as attractive? Nope. Does this mean that I wouldn’t be friends with someone unattractive? Not in the least. But what it boils down to really is that there will always be boundaries in every friendship that are best set though mutual communication that should be treated as sacred.

But all in all, the conclusion is that men and women can be friends. For many people, the safety and comfort of a platonic friendship is very appealing in contrast to the ups and downs of dating. These friendships can add to our lives in positive ways and can also present some unique challenges.

I mean I have male friends, I’m not sleeping with them and I still love them. So sue me!

Sting Rules!!!!

The Windmills of Your Mind...

Round, like a circle in a spiral
Like a wheel within a wheel.
Never ending or beginning,
On an ever spinning wheel
Like a snowball down a mountain
Or a carnival balloon
Like a carousel that's turning
Running rings around the moon

Like a clock whose hands are sweeping
Past the minutes on it's face
And the world is like an apple
Whirling silently in space
Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind

Like a tunnel that you follow
To a tunnel of it's own
Down a hollow to a cavern
Where the sun has never shone
Like a door that keeps revolving
In a half forgotten dream
Or the ripples from a pebble
Someone tosses in a stream.

Like a clock whose hands are sweeping
Past the minutes on it's face
And the world is like an apple
Whirling silently in space
Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind

Keys that jingle in your pocket
Words that jangle your head
Why did summer go so quickly?
Was it something that I said?
Lovers walking along the shore,
Leave their footprints in the sand
Was the sound of distant drumming..
Just the fingers of your hand

Pictures hanging in a hallway
And a fragment of this song
Half remembered names and faces
But to whom do they belong
When you knew that it was over
Were you suddenly aware?
That the autumn leaves were turning
To the color of her hair

Like a circle in a spiral
Like a wheel within a wheel
Never ending or beginning,
On an ever spinning wheel
As the images unwind
Like the circle that you find
In the windmills of your mind

Pictures hanging in a hallway
And the fragment of this song
Half remembered names and faces
But to whom do they belong
When you knew that it was over
Were you suddenly aware?
That the autumn leaves were turning
To the color of her hair..

Like a circle in a spiral
Like a wheel within a wheel
Never ending or beginning,
On an ever spinning wheel
As the images unwind
Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind

And some people think he's getting wimpy! Pah! I'd still like a wedge of Sting pie on a bed of strawberries and cream!!!!!

Gadzooks! It’s post 7.30 and I’m still stuck at the office playing “TravelAgent-TravelAgent”. Will post weekend bickering tomorrow. Also it happens to be my little baby brother’s Birthday tomorrow, so happy Birthday Ajju! I love you to pieces and hope you and Lynn have a great day, year and life ahead..

Oh and here’s a picture of the little critter et moi when we were kids. He was such a gorgeous little baby!

99 things about me..

1. I love making lists…
2. I love to read and am obsessive about my book collection.
3. I don’t do mornings…am practically addicted to the snooze button
4. I adore massages! Foot massages are a major turn-on!
5. I want to be published someday…
6. Oils are my medium of choice though I work better with acrylics…
7. I really miss someone to cuddle with on rainy Sunday afternoons…
8. I don’t need a boyfriend. I need a soul mate!
9. I don’t like aerated drinks (with the exception of beer) Never have never will!
10. I love variety. Routines bore me.
11. I speak 4 languages..(6 if you include Gibberish & InaneChatter). I understand 4 others
12. I love high heels!
13. If I could I’d live in my jeans.
14. My whole life I’ve wanted a pet dog named “Billding”
15. I love to eat and like to experiment with new cuisines and cooking styles.
16. I hate pretentious people.
17. I loooooove to drive.
18. I’m afraid that I’m a bit too fond of video games…and that given a chance I’d be addicted!
19. I love my sit-coms!
20. I currently own 156 Archies Comic Digests..
21. I love Sting!
22. I wish I’d been born with straight hair.
23. My fastest time on minesweeper (expert level) is 121 seconds.
24. I’m a die-hard optimist!
25. At my skinniest ever I used to weigh 49 kilos…and at my fattest 78 kilos.
26. I write poetry
27. I hate tomatoes!
28. I sleep naked whenever I can.
29. I prefer baths to showers
30. I’ve sprained both my ankles numerous times. I get my weak ankles from my mother’s side of the family.
31. I like sex…(at least the way I remember it..)
32. I love getting mail. Not e-mail.. but real, foldable, letters. It’s pure joy.
33. The only things my handbag contains are my wallet, my Zippo, my Swiss knife and my cell phone.. And occasionally some make up.
34. I’ve been madly, insanely and crazily in love three times in my life. I’ve had my heart broken only once. I think I’ve been very lucky.
35. I love meeting new people. I’m fascinated by eccentric personalities.
36. My friends think I party too hard.
37. I love my brother to pieces. I don’t think he knows it but I adore him shitless.
38. My dad and me don’t get along because we’re too alike. It takes one to know one…
39. The one superpower I wish I had is the ability to fly.
40. If I could have two the second would be invisibility.
41. I don’t have a favorite colour.
42. I love to sing.
43. The news depresses me.
44. I’m as comfortable at a formal do as I am at a dhaba.
45. I’ve been living by myself for four years and I love it!!!!
46. I still love all my exes. It's not a let's-get-back-together kind of love, more like an overall benevolence.
47. I’m not the jealous sorts. If my partner doesn’t want to be with me I figure its his loss.
48. When I was in college I used to go to clubs wearing my yellow combat boots.
49. Ideologically, I am an environmentalist, but I'm decidedly NOT outdoorsy.
50. I’m better with faces than with names and dates.
51. I used to love math in school but hated my math teacher.
52. I’m not religious at all but I do respect other peoples right to be.
53. I love Indian mythology. I’ve read the complete unabridged “Ramayana” and “Mahabharata” and loved them.
54. I think Kishore Kumar could pretty much kick Mohammad Rafi’s butt.
55. I like woodsy, herbal, and spicy fragrances more than floral or fruity ones.
56. I used to swim competitively. Even today when I see a pool I’m thinking laps!
57. I majored in photography in college. I rarely shoot photographs anymore, but I still entertain the idea of doing photography as a career someday.
58. When I first got my crew cut , I’d been threatening my mom with shaving my head for so long she was kinda relieved.
59. I have sobered down in the last four years. I’m not half as impulsive as I used to be.
60. I think my brother’s girlfriend Lynn is one of the sweetest people I know.
61. I think my mother absolutely rocks! She’s an amazing personality and I’m lucky to have her.
62. I’ve known my friend Sunila for 25 of my 27 years. We’ve been best friends since the first day of playschool when she sat on me and tried to steal my lunch.
63. I used to have hair up to my knees till I was 14 years old. Mom still has my braids in a little box in her closet.
64. I have two tattoos.
65. I’m a guilty shopper. I think shopping is really self-indulgent.
66. I’m generally very protective about the people around me. I think it comes from being the older sister.
67. I wish I was taller.
68. I have no allergies that I know of.
69. I had two pet snails when I was growing up. They were called Speedy and Tickles. I used to love the feel of them crawling on my arms.
70. I like mustard, black pepper and green chillies. Hate Tabasco!
71. I loooooove seafood!
72. I like my steak rare.
73. I was overweight growing up. In my head I’m still a fat girl.
74. I’m a bad keeper-in-toucher. I wish I’d been there for my friends more.
75. I’m very in the moment. I want to be swept off my feet.
76. I don’t understand the concept of casual sex. I think intimacy is very important in a sexual relationship.
77. I genuinely like to exercise.
78. I love my rings. Other then that I’m not very into jewellery.
79. I’m a bad patient. I prefer to be left alone when I’m feeling ill.
80. I’m Libran. My birthday is the 13th of October.
81. I hate confrontations.
82. I have a soft spot for tall men.
83. I like spooning.
84. I recently got my hair streaked. Bright red.
85. My best friend is a cynic. I would like to change that about her but am afraid of her getting hurt in the bargain.
86. I very often want to be someone else so I can get an objective view of my life
87. I love sushi.
88. My friends think I’m too trusting.
89. It’s true. I’d rather believe people are basically good.
90. I watch TV with my head tilted. Its weird but I’ve just always done it.
91. I’ve been driving since I was about 14.
92. I love the smell of antiques and old books.
93. I am planning to get married this December
94. In Goa.
95. If I had to choose between wealth and fame I’d choose fame.
96. If I could turn back time I’m not quite sure I’d do anything differently.
97. I’m sure I want kids..(at least on Mondays, Tuesdays & Wednesdays.)
98. I love sunsets. Twilight is possibly my most intense time of the day.
99. I'm a huge procrastinator. It’s taken me about two weeks to get started on this list.

i Don't do Mornings!!!!!

Had to drag my arse out of bed this morning at about 8.30..(first attempt) and then finally at 9. Poor Tarun, (who was entrusted with the unnerving responsibility of waking me up, thanks to my alarm clock being on the blink) called me like a “hajjaar” times before he finally gave up!(..luckily for me I was in the shower by then..) So today’s rant is about most mornings…here goes..

I hate waking up in the morning….I really do…I’m one of those dead-to-the-world kinda sleepers. No, really! When my alarm clock wakes me up at 8:30am for a morning meeting, I have to fight the urge to throw it across the room..(..almost threw my phone this morning!) I usually wind up hitting the snooze button and falling back asleep for the better part of the next hour. Getting out of bed is a next-to-impossible feat.

Somehow I would have thought that it was evident that I ALWAYS take on a retarded-like state as I groggily stumble outta bed, into the real world. Hence, those who are unfortunate enough to be co-habitating with me, it is to your best interest that you do not speak to me for at least a half-hour of my waking up.

I would like to clarify of course that I am not in a bad mood. There just seems to be this inescapable mist around my head within the first few (thirty?!?) minutes of waking up that takes a while to clear, and if you happen to disrupt the process, I will snap at you because I am THAT irritable.Yes, sue me, whatever..

I've never been able to understand those people who don't need an alarm clock to wake up or who, like my mother, can get out of bed the minute they open their eyes. I've also got a grudge against anyone who's exceptionally cheerful or perky in the morning. If I'm so dazed I can't see straight, it's only fair that others should be as well. Right? Right????

And those power nappers.. what’s a ten minute eye-shut got to do with anything…that isn’t even time enough to fit in a half-decent dream or two..

So why not simply go to bed earlier each night? Because I happen to be a night person, that’s why! The evening/night is my most productive time for doing work, reading, meeting my friends, watching TV, exercising and just generally getting things done. Even baths…I’d rather get into my warm bed all squeaky clean then have to rush though a quick shower in the morning…now what’s wrong with that? I'd never have enough time to finish everything I needed to do if I went to bed earlier.

The trouble is, the world is discriminatory towards night people. Most jobs require a 9 to 5 schedule or something resembling that. Even jobs with so-called “flexible timings” require people to be in at a "reasonable hour" each morning. Isn’t reasonable such an unreasonable word?

I simply think we should just abolish mornings and start each day at about noon…or your first cup of coffee.. Whichever come later…what say?

Great response on the comic strip idea guys..Will work on getting the first one up by monday..

Cheers!

...and introducing...

So after all that meditation (medication?!?) and serious thought the coozin Nish-pish and I finally decided it was time to unveil our spandex wearing, grog swigging, international party girl alter egos, Fabulous Nish and Stupendous Rush. The dynamic (alcoholic?!?) duo out to save the world from the evil forces of boredom and bad taste one pun at a time!

Tadaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!



Thinking of making them a weekly comic strip…what say pholks?

Am taking time off from blogging to meditate on the complexities of life. Will probably get back on the blog-wagon in a day or two. Also here's wishing Sammy Boy an absolutely fabulous year ahead! Love you jaan. Muuuuaaaaaaaaaahh!

...

Just came across this article..

Owner of Perfect House Lives in Car
September 18, 2002 - Baltimore, USA
In fear of possibly disturbing the perfection that is his house, Donald Manison has been forced to live in his 1998 Dodge Caravan. “I became obsessive, everything in the house was so photo-perfect that I was eventually scared of walking on the carpet in fear that I might disturb the direction of the carpet threads.” Magazines wanting a glimpse and photos of the perfect house were limited to viewing through opened ground floor windows. When asked how long he will continue his present lifestyle he replied, “If living in my mini-van is payment for a perfect house, I’m willing to pay.”

Is that what’s happening with my canvas? It’s so perfect in my head that I don’t want to ruin it by making it real?

Why is it that I’m better at dealing with abstracts than with actuals?

Restless...

Woke up feeling restless today. Like I’d gotten off the wrong side of the bed..(which is impossible considering my bed’s against a wall..but still) Have had an idea for a new canvas brewing in my head for the past week but somehow I can’t seem to translate it into actuality. I think I’ve got painter’s block. This morning I just sat and stared at that canvas for an hour. Just sat there.. I know what it’s going t look like, it’s just that I can’t seem to get myself to start!
Picked up a few old issues of the “time” magazine. Had actually forgotten what a good read it is. Must remember to subscribe to it. More when it happens..